I know. It happens. You the parent…or your child…just doesn’t connect with the coach.
First, let’s get this out of the way. Not everyone will jive with all people. It could be personality, perspective, past experience, or poor timing, but sooner or later…you and your kid will be assigned to a coach you despise.
Children are a direct reflection of their parents, so if your child isn’t getting along with a coach, it could be in part because of the shaping of behavior and personality of the parent as well!
Soccer…just like any other sport, is an educational field, and there is more to the sport than simply skills and tactics. Coaches are educators, mentors, and creators of great athletes on the field and leaders in life…which means…when things go wrong between you and the coach, it does have the potential to influence more than just the game.
First things first…when things start to go poorly, we must look at the the coach’s typology.
Coaches are first of all humans, and most of the time former athletes who were shaped into what they have become presently. People may categorize them as being a”good coach” or a “good guy”, but we can also see it differently and try to understand that there are three types of coaches…especially in youth soccer:
- Winning oriented
- Development oriented
- Fun oriented
Does your vision for your child match the typology of the coach?
- Do you want them to learn how to win at any cost from an early age…
- Do you want your son/daughter to develop in time and become a patient hard working athlete…
- Do you want them to enjoy their time spent with friends and have good memories about soccer when they grow up….
Every aspect has its pros and cons, and we should know our preference before we put them in any sport program. Many coaches are adaptable and able to create a curriculum that suits their team needs and most of its players, but ultimately, the coach is a reflection of the whole soccer program.
Start by having a conversation with your child…
- Ask them how they feel in the team environment
- Ask them how they feel about their coach
- Ask them how they feel about their teammates
- Ask them how they feel about the competitive nature of the game (if they are old enough)
You have the best understanding of what is happening with your son/daughter and you should be true to yourself and your child’s personality, and understand that sometimes the mismatched connection is not only about the coach, but it is sometimes about the whole program.
Another reason there may be a mismatch is if you see your young athlete is performing well every game and there is a big discrepancy in between him/her and their other teammates. Ask yourself about the level your child is playing at and if he/she should go to a more competitive level. In this case, it’s not even really about the coach and the kid!
On the opposite end, you as the parent might notice that other kids are easily running by yours and there is frustration on your child’s face when this happens. Before you jump to conclusions, believe that your child might just have had one of “those” days and wait until next time they are playing or practicing before making any big decisions. If you notice this happening over and over, then there is reason to think he/she might need another program. Again, not necessarily about the coach’s personality. It’s simply a developmental mismatch.
In both cases, the next logical step has to be a conversation with the coach and ask him for advice and about his ideas of where he sees the team in the future. Ask for honest feedback about how your child is doing on the team.
Do not be afraid to talk to them and express your vision for your child’s future.
Coaches tip
A question you SHOULDN’T ask a coach without a lot of awkward discomfort and burnt bridges.
Do not ask a coach about his strategy and why your child is playing less than another child on the team {that you think is not as good as yours}. Always keep your questions focused towards your kid and leave all others out of it.
It’s okay to ask about philosophy {playing more offensively/defensively, etc.}.
Just because a coach “knows all the right answers” and he thinks he is prepared for all the questions the parents ask, it doesn’t mean the answers are always what parents want to hear.
Every parent wants to hear their child is going to be the next best player in the world but this is not going to happen for most, and certainly never without hard work and sacrifice towards the sport and even personal life. A coach knows that every athlete is different and that they are on a different stage in their development.
If a coach is being objective and cares about your child, they will advise you what to do next. You can also ask them if they feel a connection with your child, like How do you feel about your sport relationship with my son/daughter coach? But this question is a signal to the coach that you are prepared for the next step in your child’s development.
To conclude, connection between a coach and his/hers’ team players is very important and crucial for the future development of all the athletes.
If you feel it exists, then follow the path but if you don’t, play it right and choose something that your child and yourself think is a good fit. Don’t get stuck {like in a bad relationship} thinking that you can fix it, but instead look forward and see what is positive for you and your child.
Move on and do what is best for your family.